You don’t have to be a brain surgeon, have a PH.D in psychology, or even be a mathematical genius to have a bit of common sense. Um, or do you? Lets face it, we all know someone who does stupid shit, who’s stuck in negative life loops, or someone who has no real direction or purpose.
I wonder, could we claim to be better? After all, we bound through life seeing through our eyes, hearing through our ears, experiencing life through our feelings and thoughts. So what’s to say we’re not blind to common sense that others hold?
I had an argument with a friend the other day about a certain sayings, one in particular “a leopard can’t change its spots” Meaning of course, some people will always stay a certain way. This particular saying boils my goat! It’s not secret, read the post above. It implies (and re-enforces) within the mind that you can never change – you’re born one way and you’ll stay that way for life. What a load of crap!!!
Despite my friends normally sound mind, she couldn’t see it. She was feeling a little low about something she did, and used the above saying. I couldn’t help myself. I tried to bite my bottom lip, stop myself from correcting her and just listen to her unload her problems. But I guess my fault in life (sometimes) is opening my mouth at the wrong time.
Hey, no one’s perfect!
All she wanted was a little empathy. Someone to listen to her problem. And even though I could feel her pain, at the end of the day I’m a man – men try to fix things. What I should of done was wait until she finished talking, waited for the conversation to move on (maybe an hour or never down the line) and only then share my views.
But what I did… The moment she say “well, a leopard can’t change its spots”… I said “You mean, we are who we our” then I went into explaining the two meaning.
I have to admit, not one of my best moments. After I finished I knew from the way she was looking at me, that really wasn’t what she wanted or needed.
My intentions were good. I was trying to re-frame her thought process. You see, “a leopard can’t change its spots” is a closed saying. However on the flip side, “we are who we our” is relative and an open saying. Meaning, in that time we do things a certain way. For those who choose to change, it also gives you that option (we live and grow).
Anyway, cutting a long story short. She was a little pissed because she didn’t ask for my help, she just wanted me to listen. But what made things worse… I then said something stupid that hurt her (so much for honesty. I was on a roll). It was like waving a red flag at a deranged bull. I remember thinking “oh shit. I don’t think I should of said that” Before I could retract my words I was hit with a volley of statements that cut deep – no mercy!
Like some women she have a whole list of repressed thoughts as ammo to shoot at me for this special occasion. It wasn’t long after that I was driving home, holding back my anger.
Then suddenly I remembered a video I watched a few days ago by Michael Benner, where he was talking about emotional IQ or EQ.
I then realized I didn’t hurt her, or for that matter, she didn’t hurt me… It was our bruised egos which escalated a senseless fight. You see, if we have or feel bad thoughts about ourselves, it’s like having a massive bruised. If someone then comes along and gives that bruise a big pock (by accident) you’ll think they’re done it with malicious intent. With every action, there is a reaction.
It turns out the “Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt me” saying was true. No one can hurt us but ourselves. However, this doesn’t stop people from kick up dust bring feeling and thoughts to the surface that are difficult to handle…
Anyway, I turned the car around, found my friend and said I was sorry (I didn’t go into my eureka moment. I thought, probably not the best time). See, I have some common sense.
So, what’s this got to do with my post, other than not reading the situation correctly? Well, watch this video and you tell me… Michael Benner- Why Emotional Quotient (EQ) is More Important Than IQ